Listen, All Y'all, It's A Sabotage

There are certain sentences one cannot utter without seeming to condemn oneself in some way:

"I don't have a drinking problem."
"I'm not irrational."
and the old classic, "I'm not a witch."

That is, the attempt to deny the problem comes across as an affirmation of the problem in and of itself.

Accusing other people of causing problems can work in a similar way. For example, saying, "X group of people is oppressing me," can often come across as, "I'm paranoid and bitter, have a chip on my shoulder, and probably need to lighten up."

I admit, the first time I heard Tupac say, "They get jealous when they see you with your mobile phone," I thought, "Really, Tupac? Isn't that maybe a bit paranoid? I can find no reason to have a problem with African Americans using cellular telephones."

Sorry, Tupac--I think I understand a little more now.

So, I neglected to mention in my last post why my days are getting long. I'm taking yet another stab at aerobics classes in the dar chebab--four days a week at 7am. Wednesday was the first day. A large chunk of Fadma's (my best friend) beauty school classmates came--seven girls in all.
As the dar chebab doesn't open until 10am normally, I had to procure the keys Tuesday night, which I did without problem. The problem? When I showed up Wednesday morning, the outside gate was locked from the inside. It wasn't really an obstacle--I just had to climb the wall, jump over, and go and remove the bar. This little thing probably is just a coincidence, even if I can't remember the gate ever being closed before. But consider the fact that twice in the last week, two different men who frequent the dar chebab told a group of my girls to "go cook something." And while endless boys file onto the court to play soccer every day, I'm being told that aerobics is not a sustainable enterprise because of "liability issues."

Conjecture is unproductive and I've learned not to indulge in it, but I've also allowed myself to stop doubting my instincts in other ways. Oppression is obvious and easy to condemn when it involves things such as killing, rape, the denial of clear-cut rights. But there is a subtler form, one that does not inspire outrage and the formation of new laws. In fact, it's almost impossible to communicate to other people, thus rendering those who try to complain impotent in that they come off as irrational. Take sexual harassment, for example. A man touches a female co-worker inappropriately. That's easy to label and condemn. What if he just lets his eyes linger on her too long sometimes, forcing her to endure an environment of intimidation and discomfort? How does she accuse him of that and not sound crazy?

Working with all men for the last year and a half has showed me the various roles that they wish to allow me to play among them, whether consciously or not. And, when describing how I feel in this environment, I find that I sound bitter and crazy, or as if my generalizations are mere exaggeration. I've tried being cold and prim; I've tried being warm; I've tried being a balanced, androgynous individual; I've tried being flirtatious; I've tried being detached and professional; I've tried being "masculine"; I've tried dressing down, and dressing up; I've tried being absent for awhile so I'd be missed. People here tend to think I'm pretty, and they like talking to me, and that's just fine (although, the most common elements of my beauty that are cited are my skin and eyes. Some girls here buy bleach for their skin). But when I want to accomplish something with the cooperation of males--more than getting someone to carry something heavy for me--it's all the same. Dismissive nods, pats on the head, and the assurance that whatever I want is impossible.

I'm astonished now at how many respectful American men I know. Rights and laws are easy to give. But it's the subtle changes in inner mentality that represent true advancement. They are also perhaps the most difficult changes to achieve, considering the level of understanding and communication a given group must reach in order to cultivate them.

The situation of "feminism" in the west today is really lamentable. What was once a semi-clear and unified movement has essentially become a dirty word. And as I grapple with what shaving my legs really represents, women everywhere are, forgive the cliche, kept down by others, and themselves. The only reason I have the opportunities I have today are because of women who fought against the subtler forms of oppression--the ones wherein their peers (men and women) labeled them as too weak, too shrill, or too bitchy. I think a lot of Americans take that for granted and don't really appreciate what must have gone into that effort, and the fact that it's still a problem. Isn't it sad, though, that even as I write this, I'm slightly concerned about people thinking I'm an obnoxious feminazi?

Regarding gender roles in Morocco, I'm not ready to throw cultural relativity entirely out the window. I was at my neighbor's house the other day, casually drinking tea while she and one of her older daughters beat her two youngest children. What do I do? Stand between them and rip my shirtsleeve? "No! These children are innocent! If you must strike someone, beat me instead!" That's not my role. As horrified as I was, I sympathize with the fact that this woman is essentially a servant in her own house, and she sincerely believes that her children benefit from each hearty thwack. So that is to say, about the gender roles, "I get it." Women and men haven't achieved equality here (or anywhere, probably). I think one must still view the world through eyes of compassion and empathy for all demographics. It turns out that that can actually be very difficult when the time comes to exercise it.

Basically, here is the difference between First Year Peace Corps Me and Second Year Peace Corps Me:

First Year
Me: Let's do sports!
Girl Student: I want to, but people in this town are narrow-minded and will talk about me.
Me: Uh oh. Hm, how can we accommodate that? Am I ruining these girls' chances of marriage? I better find a way to respect the balance of tradition and progress while still encouraging my students to be healthy.

Second Year (I had this conversation yesterday)
Me: Let's do sports!
Girl Student: I want to, but people in this town are narrow-minded and will talk about me.
Me: Don't give them importance.
Girl Student: Right on!!